what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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