you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she woke up with a sticky ear
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
