if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
