i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
