So drunk its hurt
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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