so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We need a shit load of segways right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
