Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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