How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
