She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
