Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
