we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
