After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
