we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
