woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
