Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
