i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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