that's an acceptable place to lick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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