i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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