I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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