Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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