I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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