I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
