she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
whose ass print is on the piano?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
