just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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