some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
