She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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