hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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