she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
