she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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