All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
