dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
