The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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