I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
