Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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