He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
