Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
