Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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