i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
