I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
