so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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