K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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