upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
