My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
