wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
