i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
