I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
