just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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