I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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