I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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