i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
