She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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