maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
