I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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