So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
