I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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